Recovering from perfectionism

“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough.” – Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

On long summer days, is it easy for you to find time to relax and let the worries of the world melt away? Or do you find yourself working even longer hours at your computer, driving yourself to accomplish as much as possible? As the hot, sharp qualities of pitta rise in the summer, we may find ourselves getting more intense, judgmental, or critical of our own work. I’ve previously written about ways to reduce pitta on a physical level, but pitta also affects our minds and emotions, and can infect our creativity with negativity. 

The three doshas, vata, pitta and kapha, are present in everyone. But the specific makeup of these doshas is unique to each of us. There are many factors that play into this doshic balance. To begin with, we are each born with a unique constitution. The goal in Ayurveda is not for all of us to have equal amounts of each dosha, it is to get back to our unique constitution that we presented with at birth. Throughout life, things like food choices, lifestyle, the seasons and our outer environment all cause dosha to accumulate in our bodies in different ways. 

All that is to say, some people will naturally have more pitta in their system, and that’s absolutely fine. However, those of us with a pitta predominance will be even more likely to go out of balance in the summer season, when pitta is also high in the outer world. This just means that we can take care with some extra steps to counteract pitta and balance our inner state. 

So how do you know if you have a pitta imbalance? Instead of looking at the usual physical symptoms, I want to address how pitta shows up in regards to our creativity, our art-making, and our work style. So here’s a little checklist for you:

You might have a pitta work style if…

• You love making lists and checking things off 
• You have a lot of drive and can focus for long periods of time
• You want to make sure your project is perfect before sharing it with anyone
• You frequently compare your work to others and get upset when it’s not as good
• Even after completing a project, you feel a sense of let down, or that you didn’t do enough
• You sometimes have great ideas that you talk yourself out of, because you think you won’t be able to do it well enough
• Your worst nightmare is sharing your work and having it criticized 

Sound familiar? Or is it just me? I think I’ll be on a lifelong journey to recover from perfectionism, but looking at these tendencies from the perspective of Ayurveda has given me some helpful tools. To reduce a certain dosha, we always want to bring in the opposite qualities. Pitta’s fire is balanced by sweet, cool, calming remedies – basically by doing things that are playful, feel good, and allow us to lighten up! Here are some exercises to help you get out of the critical, fiery pitta mind and into the cool waters of your creative flow. 

Make a different kind of list 

Instead of making a list of everything you need to accomplish, let’s use your love of list-making to have a little fun. I’ve found some of my favorite “list prompts” in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. I can say from experience that if you approach these lists with freedom and openness, they could even change the course of your life! 

“5 imaginary lives” – What’s a career, location or lifestyle that you could imagine having in an alternate life? I got a kick out of looking back at some items on my list from a few years ago: marine biologist, film critic, folk singer. The folk singer life has become a lot more fleshed out since then!

“10 things I would love to do but am not allowed to” – This can be serious or playful. What have others told you you’re not good at or can’t do? What’s something you’ve told yourself you would never do? Something that showed up on my list was surfing. I was scared of it and thought I would be bad at it. So I pushed myself and signed up for group surf lessons one summer. It was terrifying, and yet the feeling I had afterwards was one of complete ecstasy; it’s one of my happiest memories. 

“20 things I would try if I didn’t have to do it perfectly” – Once you get your pen moving, you might be surprised what comes out. Some may be things you want to pursue and some may just be silly. The point is to expand your possibilities! Gardening is something that’s been on my list for years, and it wasn’t until this spring that I actually gave it a shot. (And I am most definitely NOT doing it perfectly – but aside from crying when my cucumber seedling snapped in half, it’s been going pretty well.) 

Pick up an instrument you don’t know how to play 

This exercise is a trick I learned from singer-songwriter Jonatha Brooke at a songwriting workshop, but here I mean it as more of a metaphor. As a songwriter it can be liberating when you’re feeling stuck to pick up an instrument you don’t know how to play. I like to tune my guitar to a weird tuning where I can’t go to my usual chords, or mess around on the piano – which I am not comfortable on at all! 

But even if you’re not a musician you can take this idea and apply it to your creativity. I like this approach because it lowers the stakes. If you’re doing something you literally don’t know how to do, then how can you judge yourself for being bad at it?? Maybe this means picking something outside your discipline. Find a cheap plastic camera and go shoot a roll of film. Take on online poetry class or songwriting class. See if your local museum is offering an outdoor art class. Try to trick your “inner critic” by telling yourself that this is all about the process, not the product. Being a beginner can be extremely liberating if you approach it with a sense of humor. 

Set a time limit 

Having a time limit for a project lowers expectations and can take some of the pressure off. Whether you’re working on a personal project or something for a job, try setting a time limit that feels way too short. I take online songwriting classes at golden lotus studio, and an exercise I was introduced to there is the “15 minute song.” The idea is to set a timer and compose a “complete” song in 15 minutes. It seems absurd, but the great thing about this is that it forces you to create without judging. You literally don’t have time to second-guess your choices, so you just have to keep moving forward. Whatever comes out, I always feel good about being able to say, “I wrote this in only 15 minutes!”

In an interview I did with writer/performer Ethelyn Friend, she shared a similar creative exercise that she calls “10/10/10.” The idea is to set a timer for ten minute blocks, and do one block of movement (dancing, stretching, exercise), one block of using your voice (singing, yelling, vocal warm ups), and one block of freewriting. I love this exercise because it prevents you from spending too much time on one thing. “You don’t transition, you just go,” Ethelyn explained. Your critical mind will not be able to keep up! 

Make something impermanent

When I was in college I traveled to India and spent a month in Dharamsala, the home of the Tibetan government in exile, to study Tibetan art. Of all the rich history of Tibetan art, I was fascinated most by the tradition of sand mandalas. Sand mandalas are intricate works of art made from colored sand, that represent various philosophies of Tibetan Buddhism. The striking thing about this tradition is that after the mandala is created (a painstaking process that can involve four monks working on the piece for several weeks), the sand is swept up and thrown into a river. This practice symbolizes the impermanence of all things, an important tenet of Buddhism.

When you know how much time is put into creating these mandalas, it can be baffling to see them quickly swept away. But to me it is a beautiful depiction of honoring the process over the product. The mandala is created with ritual and intention, in the spirit of offering the work up to something greater. 

So my challenge to you is to make something that you offer up. The work of art itself is the act of creating it and then letting it go. It may never be seen, praised, judged or evaluated by anyone. It is between you and the universe. Maybe it’s something you create in nature, maybe it’s a roll of film that you never develop, maybe it’s a poem you write and then burn. The pitta mind will ask, “What’s the point?” Instead ask yourself: did you have fun doing it? Did you feel like you shared a secret moment with yourself? Did it liberate you to try something wild?

Check out this article on mind-blowing temporary art works for more inspiration! 

Reflect on nature

When all else fails… go outside. Nothing will calm pitta like taking a walk in the forest, swimming in the ocean, or standing under a full moon. Take in the imperfect beauty of nature. Notice, as the poet Lao Tzu wrote, “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” Remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on your daily output. Your very existence is a work of art, your life an impermanent sand mandala that you are building grain by grain, with more significance than you give yourself credit for. Enjoy the process.